Facing Down the Apocalypse V: Coping Strategies

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11
APRIL 2020
When I don’t feel like writing, I go for a run. But too much running makes my knee swell.

When I don’t feel like running, I have developed an ingenious strategy: I don’t run. I don’t write either.

When I don’t feel like writing or running, I split firewood.

Now my shoulder is wrecked from splitting wood, so I plant my garden. Gardening makes my shoulder hurt, too.

When I don’t feel like writing or running and can’t split wood or plant garden, I dive into the slow-roasting depths of social media hell. The heat makes my knee and shoulder feel better.

An afternoon sneaker wave of unchecked items and unfulfilled commitments washes away any pretense of productivity. Happy Hours have arrived. On the rocks.

I take my bourbon across the street where a fire pit has been drug onto the pavement. My neighbors are very Happy. Their kids are engaged in the tribal ritual of roasting marshmallows for dinner. There isn’t a single third-degree burn.

I’m thinking about adopting a dog or a teenager to have someone to blame besides my wife for the disappearing bourbon. She drinks gin.

Tomorrow is another day at the end of the world as we thought we knew it.

Maybe I’ll feel like writing.

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